Hollywood Stinkers

by Jackie Devereaux

Three Bombs, I’m Gone

Hollywood Stinkers

Are A-List Actors struggling to find good roles in Hollywood? Are there no good scripts anymore? Is Hollywood empty of Academy Award-winning screenwriters?

The answer to all three questions must be “Yes.” We couldn’t believe the asinine roles that several highly-paid A-List actors accepted, and the stupid High Concepts that went with those scripts.

It was my birthday over this past weekend and I wanted to go to the movies. My husband picked the Mary Pickford Theater in Cathedral City because it was showing a number of star-studded movies. However, don’t believe the start times on the Web. They’re all wrong. And you can’t call the theater to check. No one answers the phones. You’ll just have to wing it like we did.

However, once at the Mary Pickford Theater we found “Moonrise Kingdom,” which looked good from the trailers we saw on TV.   It stars Bruce Willis paired with Edward Norton, Frances McDormand and Bill Murray.  Surely, this would be good movie. Wrong. After sitting through the first 10 minutes, it became abundantly clear that this movie was a bomb.

My husband whispered to me, “Do you like this?  It’s awful.” I glanced at him with a look saying, “Let’s give it a couple more minutes.”  We agonized through another 10 minutes, then he whispered, “That’s My Boy” is starting right now, pointing to his watch.

I agreed, we quietly got up and left – and we weren’t the only ones. I couldn’t believe that my favorite all-time action actor, Bruce Willis, who plays the island cop in “Moonrise Kingdom,” accepted a role in a movie that was not just a bomb, but a big bomb! Adding to that injury is one of my all-time favorite dramatic actors, Edward Norton, who plays the part of an idiot Boy Scout leader who is functionally 13 years old and you get the horrible picture.

I guess if you’re a 13-year-old, you might like this movie but then you’re probably not reading this article either. Don’t waste your time or money going to see this one.

We walked out of “Moonrise Kingdom” after less than 20 minutes and walked into our next choice: “That’s My Boy” starring Adam Sandler, James Caan and Susan Sarandon. We eagerly hoped for a good comedy but it soon became clear that this movie was a bomb too. I got through the crude sexual content, brief nudity, pervasive language and some childish drug use scenes. But I couldn’t get past the low-brow High Concept of a wayward father showing up at his son’s wedding uninvited. Boring and not funny at all.

This movie was a major disappointment even for an Adam Sandler comedy, unless you’re a 13-year-old boy.

We ventured out again, and so did some other folks. We gave this movie about 15 to 20 minutes too. Then we moved on to what critics are claiming is the best movie at the box office this week, “TED” starring my favorite Boston hunk, Mark Walhberg.

Unfortunately, this movie perturbed us within the first 10 minutes. When the beautiful, wide-eyed co-star Mila Kunis resorted to dialogue about someone “shitting” on the living room floor, we got up and left the theater for good. So did others behind us. It was gross.

My husband asked which movie I’d like to try next. I gave up. Three bombs and I’m gone. Thank goodness we only spent $15 on matinee tickets, otherwise I would have been upset by wasting money going to the movies.

If you’re thinking about going to the movies this week, do not go to any of these. They’re a waste of time, unless of course, you’re a 13-year-old boy.

Shortlink: